And of course, what else could complete my trip but a tale of tummyaches at the wrongest of times in the wrongest of places.

Here I am in the land of electronic gadgets and gizmos, where just about every public toilet is fitted with heated seats and buttons to choose your level of bidet spraying pleasure. Some even come with bum dryers to provide you with that complete experience of paperless toilet going. And I end up having the biggest do of my trip in a toilet, in a bus, on the way to the airport for a flight bound for home. But trust the Japanese to make every toileting experience as pleasant as possible and the bus-toilet was fitted very much like those you find on airplanes, complete with a sink with a small tank full of soap. The door has to be locked too before the toilet light would come on, and it would be this simple bit of wiring genius that would keep me occupied throughout my bumpy ride on the little throne. For each time the bus went “Bump!” the lock would lose contact and the light would go off, and I would have to click it back in in order for the light to come back on. I must’ve done it more than 10 times through it all. Bump-click-bump-click-bump-click. And just when I was done, Darien starts to fuss for milk.

Yes. He was strapped to me all that time. I have the best toilet travel tales to tell.